Harry Potter and the History Textbook
by Seashadow
Summary: It's Harry's birthday, and what does he receive from Hermione? Not exploding snap, not new quidditch accessories, but a history textbook! Extremely random, featuring a distraught Harry, an enthusiastic Hermione, and a hysterical Ron.


Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.

A/N: This is possibly the most random thing I have written. Ever. It is really rambly, but that is probably because I wrote it while procrastinating for studying for my chem final. Whoops. Either way, I'm probably going to take this down tomorrow, but I decided to put it up now (without proofreading it, so beware!) because it amused me. Mainly due to its random-ness, but still.

Harry and the History Textbook

"Er… thanks Hermione!" Harry exclaimed as he looked at the book Hermione had eagerly thrust into his hands. "I've… er… always been curious about the plight of female witches… er, teenage female witches… living in Scotland between July and August of 1253," Harry exclaimed with as much enthusiasm as he could muster, all the while giving the book in his hands a look of apprehension. Really, with a title like _Scottish Teenage Female Witches From July To August of 1253: A Case Study_, who wouldn't be thrilled to receive it?

Hermione beamed. "I knew you'd think so!" she exclaimed. "Ron said that it might not be your type of thing, but I think he just wanted me to get you chocolate, exploding snap, and a set of practice quidditch balls because he wanted to use it. Honestly. Some people…"

"Yeah, some people," Harry deadpanned. He could have gotten chocolate! Exploding snap! A set of practice quidditch balls! But no, he had to be the boy who got a history book. An _ancient_ history book, from the look (and smell) of it.

"Are you sure you like your present?" Hermione asked, looking crushed by Harry's less-than-enthusiastic response to her gift. "I can always return it…" she said, as her face contorted. Harry couldn't tell if she was about to burst out laughing, or burst into tears but, given the nature of the situation and Hermione's profound love of all things scholarly, he was betting on the latter.

"No, really, Hermione, it's amazing!" he intoned, trying to force enthusiasm but failing quite miserably. "I love it! In fact, I think I'm going to go read it now!"

Hermione perked up. "Really?" she asked, "Because if you do, we can discuss it tomorrow at breakfast. I am _dying_ to discuss it with you. I have the most interesting theory about… well, no, I won't tell, I wouldn't want to ruin the ending. Tomorrow, though, at breakfast, we can discuss it. It's a fast read… even at your reading pace you should be done by tomorrow morning."

"Yeah, of course. That sounds great!" Harry said, and excused himself quickly before he ended up promising to discuss any other boring historical topic.

Once in his room, Harry sat there for fifteen minutes feeling gloomy – he was going to have to spend his birthday evening reading something dull, and then tomorrow morning he would have to discuss it and pretend he liked it. Perfect. Just bloody perfect.

The next morning, a very sleep deprived Harry made his way to the dining room, book in tow. Contrary to what Hermione had claimed, it had taken him the whole evening to just skim the book, and he had gotten very little sleep.

He sat down at the table between Hermione and Ron, and dropped the book on the table. Hard. Hopefully something would "accidentally" come crashing down on it and kill it, and then it would be no more, and hopefully Hermione would be so distraught that she wouldn't want to discuss it with him, and Ron and Harry could make a hasty exit. Perhaps they could get a quick game of quidditch in before classes if they really hurried…

Harry was brought out of his daydream by Hermione's voice.

"Harry, you didn't _read_ that, did you?" Hermione asked, sounding very alarmed.

"What…. What do you mean?" Harry asked, thoroughly confused. "Of course I read it. I stayed up all night reading it. It was very… _interesting_."

Harry glanced up from the table and saw that Hermione looked very worried, and that Ron looked like he was going to die of contained laughter. "Did I do something wrong?" he asked.

At this, Ron was no longer able to contain himself, and burst out into hysterical laughter.

"Oh, Harry, you weren't supposed to read it!" Hermione exclaimed, horrified. "It was a joke! Here, give it to me." Hermione grabbed the book off the table, put her wand to the cover, and muttered a few words. The book turned into a very elaborate photo album with literally hundreds of pictures of the three of them. Secretly, Harry wondered where they had gotten all of the photos – not Collin, he hoped. Prayed, more like.


End file.
